Okay, this is going to be me bitching, if you don’t want to hear it go somewhere else, this my space & I will damn well bitch if I want to, you’ve been forewarned.
I am fucking tired, tire of waiting on fucking doctors, tired of stupid tests that leave me bruised & looking like a fucking junkie, tired of waiting for phone calls to give results of tests, tired of getting results that lead to more goddamn test & more fucking specialists! I’m tired of not feeling well & hurting & just fucking tired of being tired!
I am tired of staying positive. I am tired of acting like everything is okay, I’m tired of saying I’m ok when I fucking not!
I can feel depression trying to creep up on me & I’m tired of fighting it off. It’s taken me weeks just to try & decide what to update here, this isn’t what I wanted to write about but I knew that if I didn’t get this out I was going blow a gasket & when you have a brain tumor blowing a gasket may not be the best thing for your brain, but all I want to do is scream!
As I said at the beginning I was going to be bitching. Hopefully next time I show up I will have heard from doctors & know more test results. Also with luck this mood will have lifted. Maybe just need to find a stranger to listen to go on & bitch & not tell me I need to just stay positive & how well I’m handling everything. I don’t like laying all this on family & friends, they’ve all been great but… just but.
For days now all I want to do is sit & cry, it’s been years since a depression has come & hit me like this & it really pisses me off!
To anyone who decided to not heed warning & made this far, thanks for reading.