Hi folks. I know it’s been a long while since I written anything but it’s been a long fucked up couple years; longer really but past 2 & a half years just sucked & just keeps on sucking.
I think I told ya’ll that my mom died in February of 2014, well after that my dad basically gave up & would do very little that involved taking care of himself. He had stage 4 kidney failure & needed a shunt so that he could have dialysis, he kept putting off making that decision, wanted me to make it for him. I told him I thought he should get it because he’d die without it but his decision. Well, in all this going on he wound up with gangrene & had to have his leg amputated. 2 days after he went into coma like state & organs started shutting down, drs said he probably only had few days left & should move him to hospice. Well we did that & the saddest thing I’ve ever seen was my grandma, his mother, coming up & saying good bye to him. Well the day after he got to hospice he started coming round, was careful not to hope because sometimes there’s a rally that terminal patients have where they look like getting better but it’s last energy before dying. Turned out he was getting better, drs still haven’t figured that one out, & he found out he was in hospice & wanted to be somewhere else so he could do rehab & get prosthetic leg. So got him room at rehab & got him to see his nephrologist so we could finally get him set up to get shunt for dialysis. He was still waffling on that. I ask the dr, in front of my dad, how long he would have if he didn’t get the procedure & dialysis, dr said probably 4 months. A lot more happened after that but 4 months later on January 30, 2015 my dad died, hopefully he found mom, who I am still pissed at but that’s a whole nother kettle of fish.
So anyway, my parents never updated their wills from 1981 & this led to all sorts of huge problems, a sister who finds out how much ring I made sure daddy gave her instead of me was worth & after I let her have most of jewelry my dad gave me, most of the furniture in the house & most anything else she wanted. She knew my father wanted my husband & me to have the house, which we had lived in with my folks for decades taking care of them. 3 days after all of this she sent text to my son telling him to tell me if I didn’t give her $10,000.00 by end of week she make it so house would be sold. The ring I mentioned? $20,000.00. She then called friend of the family that is also a lawyer who was named executor & was going to handle the probate for free! And went off saying I stole from my father. Well Bill knowing how my sister is(she is an angry, bitter, greedy, jealous person.) backed out, he didn’t need the headache & I can’t blame him. It turned into a huge thing. I had to get a lawyer & kept paying on 2 mortgages on the house. When it became a fact of will going to county administrator like there was no will lawyer told us to stop paying the mortgages. Well now house has gone into foreclosure & going up for auction on July 5th.In the meantime I’m living in limbo, we have somewhere to live but that’s moving clear across country. I had come to grips with that but husband & son have other ideas that I don’t think will work & has my stress level in the stratosphere & is seriously affecting my health(if you’ve read any of my other posts you know I have some major problems).
As it stands now it’s going on 3 weeks of me not doing anything except fo what absolutely needs to be done, sometimes not even that, can’t read, haven’t picked up my pens & paper to draw, mostly stare off in to space wondering how all this will end. Dante’s first circle of hell is limbo, Virgil tells him Here suffer those who did not sin, yet did not have the required portal of our faith. Their punishment is the denial of Paradise.
He was wrong. Limbo is living, just existing while you wait to find out what is going to happen to your life.
Thanks for reading this long, rambley, self pitying piece.