If Could Have Just Napped

I was lying down trying to take a nap because of headache I have, while I was lying there the thought of trying to describe the weirdness of the way fingers are feeling(different than usual weirdness) & that led to the thought of how odd the description of the different pains & feeling I have are. A good deal of the pain I have is nerve pain caused by several different physical problems & only someone who has one of the many different nerve pains can understand these odd descriptions, like leg being numb, dead but hurting, or lower back & hip having shooting cold hot pain. See? That just sounds weird. Or the electricity that will shoot down limb. Or coming up with closest way of trying to get dr or anyone to understand the strange feeling on scalp & only being able to come up with it feels like someone running pastry docker over my head. The problem there is dr didn’t know what pastry docker is. 

Those of you who understand the weird pains & feelings that nerve pain can cause might understand that when asked I just say I hurt because the looks you can get when you try to describe to someone, friends or family members, what your feeling can hurt, I know it sounds crazy but… I don’t know, that’s just the way it is.

I’m just a tiny bit buzzed from pain meds & felt need to say this. I know it’s rambley but that me but I am sorry if it makes no sense so I thank you for stopping by & reading.

Ya know, if I could have just taken a nap I wouldn’t have written this. Good thing or bad? I don’t know.

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This Is Not A Happy Post

My mom passed away very suddenly & totally unexpectedly last Tuesday morning, also rather traumatically for those of us at home when it happen, And the day after we had ice & snow storm hit so that put us all in state of limbo until it was over before we could even star to make arrangements for her. Well now she has been cremated & the memorial service is over & I’m finding the shock & the numbness is starting to wear off. I keep having these thoughts that just seem so silly in the seriousness of it all, like the book she hadn’t finished reading & the books she had to read sitting near her chair. Then she never got to see The Westminster Dog Show which is something she always looked forward to. Or the ice skating on the Olympics which she just loved watching. What about her tv shows she was so looking forward to coming back, now she’ll never know what happened on Scandal which was one of her favorites or 24 coming back. She had her calender set to remind her when they were coming back. The shows that we watched in common & would talk about after we had watched. These all seem like such silly things but so much of what she liked.

I still haven’t figured out what I’m supposed to do without her here. She was my mom.

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It’s Almost Time!

Hello there again! Well folks it’s almost that time! In exactly one week my feet will be on UK soil! I have been waiting so long for this! Now the closer it gets the excited I get but another part of me is getting very anxious, I keep thinking that all my friends that I will be meeting won’t like the me in person. Hopefully that’s all in my mind.

But anyway, I will be doing my blog again & will be keeping you updated on all I’ll be doing, and that will be alot! My most lovely friends have lots planned to do & see while I’m there & this time will be traveling with my husband. This trip is celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary & is honeymoon we never got to have. We will be starting in Scotland then to Lancaster then Cardiff & finally London. We’ll be in UK for 2 weeks so there will lots for me to write about. I will also be posting some pictures here but have a new site called Glossi that I will be working on to get pictures there for those who are interested. I will be posting link to it when it’s ready.

Well I just wanted to give an update. I’ll be back in about week & telling ya’ll what I’ve been up to:)

 

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That Time Again

Well hello folks! I know it’s been awhile since I written anything but got quite tired of just moaning & complaining about my health & such it was even bringing me down. But now have something to say that’s good! Ladies & gentlemen it’s that time again! I will be going to Great Britain at the end of November thru beginning of December! Happy Dance going on here! So ya know what that means, another travel blog. I hope this will make some of you happy. This time I will be traveling with my husband, so I will be sharing his comments too. This will be our 18th wedding anniversary & Christmas presents to each other.

Tickets already booked, so every so often before we leave I’ll be checking in to let you know how all planning is going. I am so looking forward to meeting face to face some of my friends I have met thru Twitter & seeing ones I met the last time I was there 2 years ago. 

Right now I’m working on itinerary & figuring out trains. I now have something good to look forward to! Any of you who would like to meet me, I would love to be able to meet you, just let me know & I will see if it can possibly be done.

Thanks for listening! I am so happy!!!!

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Laughing at God …

Should be read & paid attention to! It says a lot!

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Don’t Tell Me …

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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

If any of you have read my profile you’ll know that I am 52 soon to be 53. I was born in 1960 & the changes in technology, not to mention the world over those almost 53 years are incredible. When I was child we had telephones with rotary dials & the phone were always connected to wall by a cord in one place & the handset was connected to phone base by a curly cord that very quickly became a tangle that would usually make your mother nuts. If you wanted to a long distance phone call you had to go through the operator & give her the phone number & she would then put the call through & yes, the operator was always a live person, there were no automated voices telling you anything, real people, what a concept!

When I was about 8 we got push button phone, it had these 2 extra buttons,  # & * , that had absolutely no use & didn’t for years, seemed a rather stupid at the time. Oh! And if you accidentally dialed or pushed a number that didn’t exist you’d get this really weird Waa Waa sound. And phones were still connected to the wall. Cordless phones didn’t make an appearance until late 70s- early 80s, finally no stupid cord to get stretched out & tangled!

And televisions, we had 4 channels, 3 network & 1 public broadcasting. And there were no remotes, if you wanted to adjust volume or change the channel, you had to get up & do it manually, unless of course you had children & then we were the remote control.In the early 70s remote controls finally made it & most people referred to them as clickers & for very good reason, they made really loud click when you used it. Thinking back on it, it must have been very confusing for any dogs that were clicker trained, they probably didn’t know whether they were coming or going or sitting!

In 1967 WTCG, channel 17 was introduced in the south, today it’s known as TBS, Thank you Ted Turner! Yea! Finally, we had 5 channels to choose from but heaven help night owls or insomniacs, all of them went off the air by 1 AM & then came back at 6 AM.

By the early 70s we had 2 independent stations & 1 more public broadcasting station. Hot damn! 8 channels! Then also in early 70s cable tv came & that gave 1 premium movie channel that repeat the same 3 movies 24/7 for a month then next month same thing with 3 different movies. Woo hoo.

During the late 70s & early 80s all sorts of innovations in phone & tvs were being made. Pagers & palm pilots came into being, then cell phones. Have you ever seen the first cell phones? It was like carting around a brick & reception was rather iffy at best.

Then with tv, you had cable channels popping up all over the place & more premium movie channels. Best of all, these stations didn’t go off the air at 1 AM, they went all night long!

Oh! Hell, I haven’t even talked about computers yet! Yes, there were computers when I was a child. They took up whole huge rooms! Home PCs didn’t come about until mid 80s or so. And laptops, well most had to wait until the 90s rolled around.

Now I see children with their own cell phone & tablets! Most that I know that are my age are actually glad we didn’t have cells when we were teens, we always had the excuse of I was near a phone. It gave us more freedom for getting trouble, if we were out we were out. With today’s cell phones parents can pretty much track where their kids are. Good for parents, not so much for kids.

I now have a laptop, a smart phone that can do most anything a computer can do, actually I think it’s a computer that you can use as a phone, and tv has over 500 channels & still have trouble finding something to watch!

As David Bowie once sang Ch-ch-ch-changes! And this is just a small part of the the changes over the past almost 53 years!

I know this has been one heck of a ramble, but thanks for coming along. For those of us baby boomers hope I tickled some memories & for those younger, maybe informed in my own odd rambling way.

Thanks coming for coming for a sit down:)

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What A Year

Damn, what a year it has been. It’s taken me 6 months to come to terms with the health issues that have come about this year, I think I have finally reached acceptance. I know this new year will have more health related things to come but I am hopeful that there will be less bad head days(mentally & mood) & less feeling sorry for myself & bitching about it here. I know there will be some but that would be even without health being an issue, so for those I apologize now.

I want to thank all of you have read my rambles & have given me support & understanding, even through all my complaining & sometimes having my own pity party. It has meant so much to me & has helped me so much. To you all, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

For this year I have one resolution & one main thing I need to work on(there are many things I do but one seems most important). My resolution(and this may seem silly to some) is to finally learn what all the keys on laptop keyboard are for, about time really:P

Now the main thing I want & need to work on is forgiveness. That one is not going to be easy but I’m going to work on it. The phrase forgive & forget runs through my head, now I know I won’t forget(with my memory there is little I forget, something of a blessing & a curse) but I’m hoping I can manage forgiveness even if I can’t forget. If anyone has any suggestions on how to achieve this they would be gratefully accepted. Is it selfish to say I want to learn major forgiveness for my own peace of being? And when you forgive does that mean you let that you let person back in your life or is it enough that you’ve forgiven & are just able to move on?

Well my fellow ramblers, I wish you all a new year filled with love, happiness & all you wish for! Thank you all! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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SIGH

It’s the day before Christmas, Christmas eve & here I sit doing nothing. What I should be doing is running around kitchen cooking & cleaning preparing for Christmas Day. I’m supposed to be getting ready for family to come & be together like Christmas’s of past. House should be fully decorated with garland & lights. There should be a tree that I have carefully lighted & decorated with ornaments that I have collected over the years. But that is not what is happening, so here I sit wondering what am I supposed to do with all the hurt that has been caused to me. Where do I put it? I’m running out of room for anymore pain.

What of those people who are causing the pain, the ones who should know what their doing but are oblivious & really don’t seem to care. The ones who aren’t suppose to cause you hurt, but just don’t want to know.

I have spent the spring, summer & fall dealing with major health problems, doctors & test after test, waiting & doubly looking forward to this time of year. And have it all taken away with no thought as to how it would make me feel. All I have wanted to do for weeks now is just cry. I’m always on the verge of tears, wanting to scream & rail.

I have no more room for the hurt & just need to know, where do I put it all now?

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We’re Going For A Ramble

Settle in folks we’re going for a ramble now.

Man, I have spent my summer in doctors offices, in MRI tubes & being poked & prodded & have blood sucked out of me & waiting, lots & lots of waiting. I have been waiting for fall to come & have everything over & done with, well at least having testing done & having answers. Damn, was I wrong. I finally get my brain out of the way, well as much as it can be, at least a plan in place when it comes to it, which is waiting & more MRIs to keep eye on it, then neurologist(he for spine) wanted MRI of spine to see how much worse it’s gotten. Well the way this damn year has been going should have know that wouldn’t turn out good. Now will be seeing doctor to discuss options but already know that that will probably be surgery on spine, yeah I see being able to afford that anytime soon.

So getting my head geared for hearing what doctor has to say I find out my Mom has been diagnosed with ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease.  She’s taking the news much better than I am, for various reasons I know way too much about it & it scares me to death. In May of 2001 we found she had stage 3 colorectal cancer, went thru major surgery, radiation & chemo; that was one long summer but she survived that & has been cancer free ever since & now this.

Ya know, for the most part I’ve managed to keep thinking positive thoughts but the way things have been going it’s getting hard. I still have to get mammogram this week because of lumps found in breast & for weeks I’ve been telling myself that it will just be cysts or calcifications but now with the way everything’s been going I’m beginning to expect bad news there. I also have another problem that I’m not going to get into but this is all a bit much.

And to top things off John who has only one eye that he can see out has developed something called Iritis, it’s an inflammation of the iris & makes it very for him to see & is painful. Also found he has what’s called an after cataract, it’s something that can happen after having cataract surgery(that’s why he has the one good eye, still needs on other eye), what that is is a bubble that forms at the back of eye & needs surgeon to laser it open, it makes vision cloudy like cataract does. Our lively depends on his vision & as it stands now we’ve had to turn down work.

Every year I really look forward to the holidays which here in the states starts with Thanksgiving & every year we have the family here for both Thanksgiving & Christmas dinners here. This year especially have been looking forward to holidays but because my sister has chosen not to talk to me my mom cancelled Thanksgiving here & since it’s her house had to go with what she said. Well this has more than upset me, she’s also said no Christmas either. Well one of my uncle’s had Thanksgiving dinner at his home & everyone was invited, my husband & I were the only ones who went, my sister had dinner at grandma’s house where she lives & we weren’t invited.

Ok, a word about this thing with my sister, back in February she got mad at my son because he changed his relationship status on FaceBook without telling her first( seriously) & since she was mad at him she stopped talking to me & since she stopped talking to me her daughter also stopped talking to me. Even after having learned that I have a brain tumor they both have chosen to continue not talking to me. I have a new grand nephew that I haven’t met yet. My sister also made comment to my son ‘You & your mother always choosing friends over family” well she knows I lost a friend because I took her side in fight she was having with said friend on FaceBook, first time she’d ever been in the right. Loosing friend is whole different story.

So there ya go. Now with everything going on(I haven’t even mentioned John’s mom who has Parkinson’s breaking her hip 4 weeks ago) I’ve decided Christmas is on & I’m decorating & will have dinner here & sister can get over herself for one day for our mom’s sake.

I mean, come on! Get over it!

Sorry about going on & on & bitching but really needed to get this out. I appreciate you hanging around & listening.

Damn I want the new year to get here, I’ve had it with this one.

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